The blogging funk...

I'm going to warn you all now this will probably turn into a huge cry fest. Umm.... deal with it?

So I've been in a huge funk recently. I have no idea where to go with any of this but the last 5 months have clearly been taking a huge toll on me. Long story short, God placed in my heart a vision to dedicate my life to ministry. Now, I realize I'm too young and too inexperienced to carry it out, but has that ever stopped God before? So armed with a vision and God's promise, I left my job and began to pursue the calling he has placed on my life.

Now it's 5 months later and I still don't have a job, and I'm still struggling to even gain any traction in my quest. Every step forward that I have taken has dissolved around me and I'm faced with the very real possibility of total, humiliating failure. Today has been especially rough. I have no idea how I'm going to come up with bills for next month, and every job that I've tried to get in the last 5 months has been met with one roadblock after another. For a while it was easy to just tell myself that God clearly wanted me to stay focused on the vision for my life, but that is getting harder and harder to tell myself.

And yet, I'm not the least bit upset with any of my circumstances. God is wonderful and has always provided. I have met some amazing people and been mentored by some amazing Christians. I have learned more about my own ability to put faith in Jesus and trust in Him than I thought was possible. I am learning to not trust in myself but that everything I do must find strength in Jesus. I wouldn't trade the last 5 months for anything in the world. If my Lord could hang on a cross for me than I can deal with what ever comes my way in the next month or two.

So if you are reading this feel free to pray for me. I need my next steps.